


Ride The Links Of Sustenance

by Holy_Leonards



Series: Queef and Friends [12]
Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Anal Beads, Anal Sex, Body Horror, Crack, Glowing Sea, Ham - Freeform, M/M, Sausage links
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-07
Updated: 2016-03-07
Packaged: 2018-05-25 06:40:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6184618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Holy_Leonards/pseuds/Holy_Leonards
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While leaving Diamond City, Sole Survivor has Nick on the brain and he ends up in a cave deep in the Glowing Sea.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ride The Links Of Sustenance

**Author's Note:**

> If you do not get the joke in the title, you are too young to be reading this.

Queef really booked it out of Diamond City. He felt a little guilty about that Russian and he did not want Nick to see him there. He just walked and kept thinking about the old toaster. He soon found himself deep in the glowing sea.

“God! It's like Nick ripped a big one!”

The synth's farts were not deadly radioactive, but they were pretty strong. The Institute still used fission motors at that time and the exhaust could be overwhelming. He couldn't get Nick off the brain. He stumbled into a cave and triggered an alarm made out of tin cans. He heard an automated turret chamber a round and he screamed.

“Hello! Please don't kill me!”

He heard someone move deep in the cave.

“Are you with the Institute?”

The voice was deep and dumb sounding. Kind of like a super mutant.

“No! I've never seen an Institute!”

“Come in then.”

Queef got up and felt his way deeper into the cave. He came to a door with two automated turrets guarding it. There was also a protectron roaming the space in front of it.

“Kind of hot...”

He stared at the booty of the protectron for a few seconds before remembering that there was a possible super mutant in here. He opened the door slowly and looked inside. There was certainly a super mutant, but he was not like the dumb ones. This one was sporting glasses and had some computers spread throughout the little room in the cave. Queef let out a queef of relief and stepped in.

“What brings you to my cave, human?”

“I got lost in the fart cloud out there and stumbled in by accident.”

The super mutant snorted.

“Silly human.”

“Look, I may not be the smartest cookie that crumbled in the box, but I can think!”

The super mutant shook his head.

“You got a name, human?”

“The name's Queef.”

The super mutant cocked his head to the side.

“Why does one name their offspring after such a thing?”

“My momma was a classy woman, dammit!”

“My name is Virgil.”

“Virgil? Virgi...Virgin! You're name is Virgin haha!”

“VIRGIL!”

The cave shook as he yelled out the name.

“Yeah Virgil right right.”

“I oughta kick you out of here.”

“No! I need to stay for the night. The farts are scary and will hurt me.”

“Why should I let you live?”

“I...I...I am good at...uh...head.”

“Head?”

“Yeah!”

“You just proved that you are not smart.”

“No! Not smart! Head! Oral sex!”

“You would not want to do that with me, human.”

“Why not? I love doing it with many people: synths, which are my favorite; Russians, Humans...”

“But I am different.”

“Oh yeah?”

“I am of the pig people, or people for short.”

“Wha?”

Virgil sighed.

“You wanna see, human?”

“Yeahyeahyeahyeahyeahyeahyeahyeahyeah!”

Virgil untied his makeshift belt and dropped his overstretched pants. What lay beneath was a link of three sausages stapled to the green flesh where his penis should be. Just below that were two full sized hams stapled next to each other where his testicles should be.

“I missed having junk so bad that I had to make a replacement.”

Queefs eyes got really wide and he started drooling.

“That...is the best possible thing you could have!”

“What?”

“Would you consider using them as anal beads?”

“On myself, human!?”

“No! On meeeee!”

“Well, yeah, I haven't had sexual relations in a long time and you're quite pretty.”

“You're hot yourself, super hottie.”

Queef gave the links of meat a wink.

“Come on over, human, and I'll give you a lap ride you won't soon forget.”

Queef walked up to Virgil and seductively removed his homemade glasses.

“Won't need these where you're going, nerd.”

Queef dropped his well worn pants and got on all fours. Virgil inserted the meat links one by one until they were all in Queef.

“Virgil?”

“Yes, human?”

“I want you to pull them out without using your hands.”

“Why?”

“To simulate the sex. You deserve it.”

“Good idea, human.”

Virgil pulled back, but the first link wasn't being let go.

“You're really tight, human.”

“You can do it Virgil!”

Virgil pulled harder and harder. The links were not being set free. Virgil gave one mighty tug and the staples holding the links in place ripped out and blood started gushing uncontrollably from the hole. Queef stood up fast and looked at the horror in front of him.

“Virgil? Honeybuns?”

Virgil did not make a sound. He just lay back and let God take him back to the Hell that he came from. Queef freaked out and ran back out into the glowing sea with the tip of flesh from Virgil flapping behind him like a tail.

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't get the joke until a month ago.
> 
> Emos are a hell of a drug.


End file.
